Drugged without drugs. Living like a drug addict without being addicted to drugs or knowing how it feels like to be addicted or even the taste of drugs. Do drugs have any taste? I often wonder. Or are they are tasteless and smoky and bitter yet good as cigarettes?Well, that is not my concern right now. My concern is I am drugged without drugs. I am living like a drug addict. On my own. Computer, no bathing, no eating, hardly sleeping, reading, listening to music, surfing pictures, taking pictures, going short tempered, looking and seeking peace.
I want to be free. I want the freedom. I am dying to gain it. But, but, i am too lazy to go for it. Not lazy. this is not laziness. This is existing and not living. I exist cas i do not live. I do not live cas i can not live. I can not lice cas.. Am I tired of living? Is anyone?
Yes. They are and then they exist. But why is one tired of living? I have everything. Good parents. Entertainment. Friends. Well, there are somethings that money can not buy....
Well then why do we value money so much??? Without money life is hell. With money life is hell as well. Then? What do we do? For the nirvana (my recent favourite and most overused word) we all seek but hardly a few get.
Nothing. We live a drugged life. And if we are lucky we come out un-drugged and if not.. well, simple to say, we get into the real addiction.
I didn't eat, have a bath or get off the chair since i woke up. Rebellious child. Yes. I am. I admit. But is every child a rebel only because they want it their way? No. Children can turn rebellious for other reasons. I speak like an adult you say? Well, i can speak so "matured" only because I am a child. Had i been an adult I wouldn't have understood this. Children rebel when they don't get what they deserve. But children have an ego more than their parents' age combined. Perhaps because they lack the maturity to let their ego down. How would you feel when you are promised something. You work for it. But you don't get it. And when you demand it, well then, you have to understand that you have got a lot and this while you have to compromise and understand that everything is not possible for everyone.
I understand. That is why live a drug addict. Because when you are asked to be something beyond your limits this is what happens. This while i was asked to be patient. And i crossed my limits but I didn't express. And like everything it had its side effects and today i am thus.
Well I am thus because I am a disobedient, rebellious kid. A menace. Well, do they NOT realize I am a menace only because they let me be one. While i was menacing around why did they not stop me? then they thought it was cute for a kid. But now it is insulting. They want to understand or have they given up I don't know. All i know is that I want them to understand because... I really really hate things rite now.
