I Die.

I killed him!
I KILLED him!
I KILLED HIM!

Death. It is an escape.
Death is beautiful- Death is divine!
But he did not die,
I killed him.

"Murther! Murther!", cried Silence.
The pen ran out of ink.
For it did not want to be a witness- a medium of acknowledgement.
A third pen failed to blot.
They do not want to stain.

They all run away.
Far, far away.
And they should!
Why shouldn't they?
Run away from danger, I say.

They ALL run away-
Far, FAR away.
And they should!
WHY shouldn't they?
RUN AWAY FROM DANGER
I again say.

In Death lies Beauty.
In Death lies Sincerity.
In Death lies Peace.
In Death Serenity, Benevolence, Love and Care.

But care I do not!
I take souls away.
I kill- the cruelest kind of murder
For you do not acknowledge it as murder.
And yet I murder, I do.

Again, Again, Again, Again,
Again, Again, Again, Again.
Eight moons in a row
And maybe I will some more.
But, murder I do.

I murder what is dead.
I murder what is living.
I murder everything that comes my way.
No, everything that is in him.
I murder.

The lifeless body moves.
It trods. It falls. It sees.
But it reacts not.
How could it?
Life it has none.
It did. It had.
I sucked it out and tossed it away.

And then I cry.
I cry, again.
"What did I do?"
"What have I done?"
"I did not mean to."
And then I die.
I die, again.

What Does it Show?

I need a bit of help.
Tell me what it shows,
When you're talking to someone over the phone,
And you forget that someone is there
And you only talk to yourself,
Perhaps, perhaps in despair.

You repeat words.
You repeat phrases.
On and on, over and over-
"Two years Two years", "no-no no-no"
On and on they go
"Ok Ok Ok Ok" soon follow.

Someone's talking.
Perhaps you hear, perhaps you don't.
You go on with your chant,
For a semi-hour or so.
What does it mean?
Or what does it show?

Today I came across this quote by C. W. Lewis saying "Someday you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again."

It made most happy, brought a smile to their faces.
It depressed me.
Scared me.
Made me feel a little vulnerable, a
little hollow. But mostly like time was running out.
Because I have taken to reading fairy tales, again. :)

The Descend.

I guess life is all about being lonely all over again.

Its about crashing down right on your face when you expect a pleasant breeze.

Its about trying to type down your feelings but ending up with bullshit all the same.

MOSTLY,
its about being insecure.

"its about finding your other half"
and ruining your own half in the process.

These philosophers,
they forget to mention the latter part of the sentence,
always.
ALL of them.

Its incredible!
Or, is it just a tactic to help you not feel your sorrow by not knowing about it in the first place?

Men who molded so many.
Not with the truth, but with bitter sweet words that appealed.
Smarter than the smartest.
Liars.
Cheaters.
Cunning.
All of them.

But powerful.

Simplicity and honesty, its not like these two things ever had any value. They never did. We just believed they did. But they did only so that it becomes easier to become a "noble" being and so that manipulating the general lot becomes easier.

The simple and the honest are the ones who die early, are the ones who get crushed early.

"It is not in me to bear the harsh"
Bullshit.
Its in everyone.
They are just to afraid to be considered an outcast so they don't bring it out.

But, how did I get here again?

Let me take three steps.
One forward.
And two back.

Wait.

Wait is all that we can do.

I mean, when an event occurs, whether  sad or happy, we live that moment never realizing the importance of it at all. And when it is over, when suddenly it is a little empty we look back and think,

"God, I was so depressed back then! It makes no sense now. I mean what was i thinking!!"

or,

"I thought it was a happy time. How silly of me to go happy over something so shallow and not realize it was something shallow at all!"
We think our puny, childish, chiding thoughts as mere self-consolation.

What happens is we never realize the futility or unimportance of a moment until a moment is lived and cannot be undone at all,  it is silly and meaningless but very meaningful all the same.

Meaningless because what is the point in indulging yourself into something and contemplating only to realize that you have wasted and have loved, well, a piece of shit. Or realizing you have let, perhaps the most vital part of your life, go out of your grasp. It hurts more when you realize you have lost something that could make you more than what you are today.

Meaningful it can be because you learn.That is all. You basically learn to not repeat and fall into the same thing again. But then again how much can a broken heart learn when all it needs is repair?

But i say, what is the point in learning if you cant get what you want. If you cannot have your peace of mind?

Can your learned mind help you then?

To find out the answer to that, I guess, I just have to wait.

And wait I will. For "all good comes to those who wait". But what good will it be when you have waited long enough to decay?

NEVER

I shall never realize WHY I become SO happy whenever i am rejected and so SAD whenever I am accepted.
Maybe it is the madness in me which peeps at the slightest chance.
Maybe, just maybe, I laugh at my misery and the irony of being accepted by significant beings who are so insignificant in my life.

Animal Behavior

Lizards..

creepy crawly.. slimy..

yeah.. snakes and crocs are also the same but i like them.. i dont like lizards...

but what caught my attention was the way they move.. in a very funny yet somewhere very disgusting way...

there were two such lizards on the ceiling.. sometimes they would come to the wall.. but whatever, they chased n chased n chased!!

one was female.. the tail was thick at the base and weirdly thin and tapering at the end.. and the male one had just the opposite kinda tail.. no differnce near the base n broad at its end

but what i saw was basically.. animal rape

:|

man chases woman.. woman runs runs runs.. man wants to fuck woman.. woman says no no no!!

man says yes yes yes!!

woman NOOOO

man come to me baby!!!

woman ugh!! no!! save me!!

man pounces n lies on woman...

their tails interlock woman chnages colour and

BAM!!!!

WHAM!!!

GHARAM!!!!!!

whats done.. is done

:|

it was weird.. but kinda..

...

uh...

INTRIGUING!!

:|

and yes, i AM a maniac.. *sheepish laugh*